Learn about how to avoid conflict at family meals, and why high heels were originally meant for men. Plus, get some tips on how to host and be a polite guest from etiquette expert Jihan Murray-Smith — just in time for the holidays! In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes: Buy ANOMIA on Amazon — https://amazon.com (please support our sponsors!) 10 Ways to Avoid Conflict at Family Meals Why Politeness and Etiquette Matter High Heels Were Originally Meant for Men Follow Curiosity Daily on your favorite podcast app to learn something new every day withCody Gough andAshley Hamer. Still curious? Get exclusive science shows, nature documentaries, and more real-life entertainment on discovery+! Go to https://discoveryplus.com/curiosity to start your 7-day free trial. discovery+ is currently only available for US subscribers.
Learn about how to avoid conflict at family meals, and why high heels were originally meant for men. Plus, get some tips on how to host and be a polite guest from etiquette expert Jihan Murray-Smith — just in time for the holidays!
In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes:
Follow Curiosity Daily on your favorite podcast app to learn something new every day with Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer. Still curious? Get exclusive science shows, nature documentaries, and more real-life entertainment on discovery+! Go to https://discoveryplus.com/curiosity to start your 7-day free trial. discovery+ is currently only available for US subscribers.
Full episode transcript here: https://curiosity-daily-4e53644e.simplecast.com/episodes/be-the-best-host-or-guest-w-jihan-murray-smith-avoid-conflict-at-family-meals-and-high-heels-for-men
CODY GOUGH: Hi, we've got the latest and greatest from curiosity.com, plus a special guest to help you get smarter in just a few minutes. I'm Cody Gough.
ASHLEY HAMER: And I'm Ashley Hamer. Today, you'll learn about how to avoid conflict at family meals and a fun fact about the history of high heels.
CODY GOUGH: You'll also get some tips on how to be a great host or guest from etiquette expert Jihan Murray-Smith. Just in time for the holidays. Let's satisfy some curiosity.
ASHLEY HAMER: The holidays often involve reuniting with family. That's great for a lot of people. But it can be bittersweet or just plain stressful for others. Fortunately, we've got three research-based tips from experts on how to keep the peace as you break bread during the holidays.
CODY GOUGH: Just don't talk about politics and religion, right?
ASHLEY HAMER: Well, yeah. But also don't talk about like, when are you going to get married? When are you going to have kids? When are you going to start paying for your own flights home, now that you're in your 30s? You know, the usual.
CODY GOUGH: He's also an oddly specific.
ASHLEY HAMER: What? No. So, first is some advice from Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker. She wrote for PsychCentral quote, "nowhere is it written that there shall be alcohol whenever a family gets together," unquote.
If past dinners have been ruined by excessive drinking, let everyone know that you're having a booze-free holiday this year. Apple cider is delicious anyway, so who's going to complain? If you feel the holidays just wouldn't be the same without a good glass of wine, do the math, and buy just enough for everyone to have no more than two glasses.
CODY GOUGH: Our second tip comes from a professor of human development at Cornell University Gerontologist Karl Pillemer surveyed about 2000 older people about their advice on keeping family time harmonious. One important piece of that advice, holidays are not the time for fixing problems, quote, "thanksgiving is not the time to exhort your child to get out of a relationship or get into one. To get a new job or stay in the old one. Or to get his or her life on track.
And the same holds true in the other direction. This is not the time for adult offspring to push the folks to sell the house, or start exercising. Let the holiday also be a break, the elders say from trying to change one another," unquote.
ASHLEY HAMER: Our third and final tip might be tough to stick with, but here it goes. According to Harvard university's family dinner project, using technology at the table is a growing source of family tension. And a lot of the time, that's because parents set technology rules for their kids that they don't follow themselves.
No matter how old you are, staring at a screen while you're in the middle of a conversation, can make others feel ignored and disrespected. And that can lead to hurt feelings and lost tempers. Selfies and family photos are great during the holidays. But keep them confined to a set period of time. Then, put the phone down, and keep your eyes up.
CODY GOUGH: One exception to the technology rule is if you're showing off your smart speaker by playing our podcast for your friends and family. That is always acceptable etiquette. So that was a joke.
But we've got more real tips in our full write-up on curiosity.com and our free curiosity app for android and iOS. But seriously, you can play our podcast for your friends and family.
ASHLEY HAMER: It's a great idea. Speaking of family activities, you've got to check out this game called "Anomia." Spelled A-N-O-M-I-A, which also happens to be today's sponsor.
CODY GOUGH: You know when you can't remember a word, but it's on the tip of your tongue? That's what Anomia means. This is a game where you have to think fast, but learning it is also really fast and easy, so you can take it anywhere and play it with anybody. I am a hardcore board game geek, believe me.
ASHLEY HAMER: And I am definitely not a gamer, but I also recommend this game. Because guess what? I actually had fun playing it. It's based on the fact that our minds are overflowing with all kinds of random information.
Have you ever thought about how much random stuff we have stored in our brains? Hint, hint. You're a fan of curiosity. That means you've probably got a lot of random stuff stored in your brain.
CODY GOUGH: This is the perfect game to play with friends and family around the holidays, or at any part of your family game night. The more people playing, the more fast-paced and hilarious it gets. It just brings people together and gets everybody laughing.
And new for 2018, is a kids version called Anomia Kids for ages five and up. There's fun for all ages.
ASHLEY HAMER: It's a pretty perfect gift idea for any of your friends who like games, and maybe even some who don't. Look for Anomia and Anomia kids, spelled A-N-O-M-I-A, at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and your local toy and game shop. We'll also put a link to buy it, in today's show notes.
CODY GOUGH: Are you going to meet the parents this holiday season? Going to any parties at someone's house? Well, here are a few tips for making a great first impression.
Last year, on the curiosity podcast, we talked to etiquette expert Jihan Murray-Smith. Here's some of her advice whether you're hosting guests, or just planning to show up at a friend or family's place.
JIHAN MURRAY-SMITH: I think sometimes people forget this, and especially, up here, it's not so big, like I said, at the south, it's all about hospitality, and they're really big on rules of etiquette and making people feel comfortable and loved and appreciated. The general rule is never show up to someone's home empty-handed.
CODY GOUGH: Never.
JIHAN MURRAY-SMITH: Never. Even when my friends say, oh, don't bring anything. Just bring your self.
I go, OK. Yeah, right. And I show up. I don't care if it's flowers for the host to say thank you for, you know, hosting us.
If I know that my friend enjoys wine, I'll pick up a couple of bottles. If I know that they're going to have guests there who don't drink, I might get a couple of bottles of sparkling juice or cider because that's always nice because there's always that one person who may not really like wine or any other alcoholic beverage. So just bringing something, a box of chocolates, a candle, something for the host to enjoy.
CODY GOUGH: You had a great ideas.
JIHAN MURRAY-SMITH: Yes.
CODY GOUGH: The only one I can think of is wine. And you're here with candles, and ciders, and chocolates.
JIHAN MURRAY-SMITH: Yes. Letting them know that, thank you. I really appreciate this.
Now, say it's a potluck thanksgiving, or maybe they say, you know what? We have everything. Always ask, OK, you're hosting thanksgiving, may I bring a side dish? May I bring a dessert?
Dessert, I think, is always a nice touch. Because if you're-- if I'm hosting thanksgiving, which I do, I don't expect for someone to bring a side of macaroni and cheese or a side of mashed potatoes. Like, if I'm hosting, I'm going to host. And I'll have the entire meal ready.
But dessert is always nice because I'm not a baker. But again, it's based on the person. You know this person as an individual, like, I have an aunt, she loves to bake. I wouldn't bring dessert. I wouldn't buy a pie or a cake to take to her house because I'm sure she'll have 10 pies and four cakes.
So think about who this person is. If you're the host, think about the people that you've invited. See if they have any diet. In today's world, any dietary restrictions, because you want all of your guests to be comfortable.
And if you have overnight guests, say your in-laws are coming, little things. Making sure that you have clean linen, you know, make sure the room that they're staying in is spotless. Really nice and clean fresh towels. Show them around because you might have weird things about your bathroom, like at my parents home, the light switches outside of the bathrooms.
CODY GOUGH: Yeah.
JIHAN MURRAY-SMITH: Yeah. Just showing your guests, making sure there's water on the nightstand. If you're staying at someone's home, offer to pay for a meal, take them out, or offer gas money.
You know, these little things that show I appreciate you. I appreciate you. That's all-- that's all-- that's the whole point of all of it.
CODY GOUGH: Again, that was Jihan Murray-Smith, an etiquette expert based in Chicago. We had a great conversation with her about why etiquette matters, and you can find a link to that full podcast episode in today's show notes.
ASHLEY HAMER: Here's an interesting story we covered back in July. Feel free to mention it as a fun fact the next time you're with friends or family. Whether you've got thanksgiving plans here in the U.S., or you just want to impress your friends at work. Enjoy.
Cody, have you ever tried wearing high heels?
CODY GOUGH: No. My feet are huge, so--
ASHLEY HAMER: Yeah, that would be difficult.
CODY GOUGH: --it will be really hard to find a-- yeah.
ASHLEY HAMER: Yeah. High heels are definitely a skill that you have to master.
CODY GOUGH: And I'm not averse to trying them. But, like I said, I wear men's 11 and a half, which is a women's like, I don't know, 200 or something. So--
[BOTH LAUGHS]
--I mean, I just don't know any women that are that tall or have that big feet, so--
ASHLEY HAMER: Well, we do live in Chicago. And drag race is huge here, so I'm sure you could find somebody.
CODY GOUGH: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure there's plenty of places I could-- I could go out of my way. If I-- if I ever pop into one of those shops on Halstead, I'll give it a shot, and knows how it goes.
ASHLEY HAMER: And take them for a spin.
CODY GOUGH: Yeah.
ASHLEY HAMER: Well, actually, high heels used to be for men. They came to Europe in 1599, when a group of horse-riding Persian diplomats rode from Moscow to Lisbon looking for allies in the war against the ottoman empire. The heels were actually a technological innovation that kept the riders secure in their stirrups.
Fast forward about 50 years, and King Louis the 14th of France was really into Persian culture. He also happened to be 5 foot 4, which was short even back in those days. There's actually a portrait from 1701 that shows him dressed to the nines. And in it, he's wearing high-heeled shoes with red painted heels that he decreed that only certain people could wear.
So why did women start wearing them? Believe it or not, it's because European women were starting to assert their equality. Author Elizabeth Semmelhack wrote, quote, "you had women cutting their hair adding epaulets to their outfits.
They would smoke pipes they would wear hats that were very masculine. And this is why women adopted the heel. It was in an effort to masculine rise their outfits," unquote.
Eventually, you ended up with thick heels for men and skinny heels for women. And the trend kind of died off in men around the turn of the 19th century. That's around the time period fashion scholars call the " great male renunciation," which is when men's colorful flamboyant clothing, became more drab and uniform. I think cloaks and jerkins going to great business suits. Lame.
But, hey, it's never too late for a comeback.
CODY GOUGH: I do have the cloak.
ASHLEY HAMER: Nice. Read about today's stories and more on curiosity.com.
CODY GOUGH: Join us again tomorrow for the award-winning Curiosity Daily, and learn something new in just a few minutes. I'm Cody Gough.
ASHLEY HAMER: And I'm Ashley Hamer. Stay curious.
ANNOUNCER: On the Westwood One Podcast Network.