Learn about how to find out what type of loneliness you’re feeling so you can figure out how to deal with it; the psychological reason why you love being part of a crowd; and the four communication styles that can predict the end of a marriage. In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories from Curiosity.com to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes: Quiz: What Type of Lonely Are You? — https://curiosity.im/2W5DirG This Psychological Concept Explains Why You Love Being Part of a Crowd — https://curiosity.im/2u67Qxn These Are the Four Horsemen of Divorce — https://curiosity.im/2W5D3Ni If you love our show and you're interested in hearing full-length interviews, then please consider supporting us on Patreon. You'll get exclusive episodes and access to our archives as soon as you become a Patron! https://www.patreon.com/curiositydotcom Download the FREE 5-star Curiosity app for Android and iOS at https://curiosity.im/podcast-app. And Amazon smart speaker users: you can listen to our podcast as part of your Amazon Alexa Flash Briefing — just click “enable” here: https://curiosity.im/podcast-flash-briefing.
Learn about how to find out what type of loneliness you’re feeling so you can figure out how to deal with it; the psychological reason why you love being part of a crowd; and the four communication styles that can predict the end of a marriage.
In this podcast, Cody Gough and Ashley Hamer discuss the following stories from Curiosity.com to help you get smarter and learn something new in just a few minutes:
If you love our show and you're interested in hearing full-length interviews, then please consider supporting us on Patreon. You'll get exclusive episodes and access to our archives as soon as you become a Patron! https://www.patreon.com/curiositydotcom
Download the FREE 5-star Curiosity app for Android and iOS at https://curiosity.im/podcast-app. And Amazon smart speaker users: you can listen to our podcast as part of your Amazon Alexa Flash Briefing — just click “enable” here: https://curiosity.im/podcast-flash-briefing.
Find episode transcript here: https://curiosity-daily-4e53644e.simplecast.com/episodes/the-four-predictors-of-divorce-why-you-love-being-part-of-a-crowd-and-types-of-loneliness
CODY: Hi! We’re here from curiosity-dot-com to help you get smarter in just a few minutes. I’m Cody Gough.
ASHLEY: And I’m Ashley Hamer. Today, you’ll learn about how to find out what type of loneliness you’re feeling so you can figure out how to deal with it; the psychological effect that explains why you love being part of a crowd; and the four communication styles that can predict the end of a marriage.
CODY: Let’s satisfy some curiosity.
Quiz: What Type of Lonely Are You? — https://curiosity.im/2W5DirG (from Saturday) (Ashley)
According to research, loneliness isn’t just a feeling: it’s more of a term for several feelings. And in a paper published in October 2018 in the journal “Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology,” researchers came up with a way to categorize your loneliness — and it could help you figure out the best way to move past it. This paper says you can plot two types of loneliness on a graph so you end up with 4 categories. The two axes are social loneliness and emotional loneliness. Social loneliness means you’re not happy with how many social relationships you have. If you’re socially lonely, you might feel like if you threw a party, only a few people would come. You might search online for the phrase “how to make friends.” On the other hand, emotional loneliness means you’re not happy with the quality of your social relationships. If you’re emotionally lonely, you might have a lot of friends, and you might even be married or live with family. But you’d feel like the saying goes, “alone in a crowded room.” Like I said before, you can plot these feelings on a graph, so you’re either high in both types of loneliness, low in both types, or high in one and low in the other. But researchers found that emotional loneliness was the only one with a measurable impact on psychological well-being. In other words, social loneliness might be inconvenient, but emotional loneliness is the real mental health issue. And this study found that about 1 in 4 people experienced psychological distress due to emotional loneliness, which means that previous research into how common loneliness is, WAY underestimated the issue. This study suggests loneliness is about twice as common as we thought. As in, it could affect 39 percent of the population, as opposed to the 17 percent estimate you get when you treat loneliness as one-dimensional. If you’re worried you might be lonely, then you can take the 6-item survey the researchers used to measure loneliness in their study. It was created in 2006, and it’s been tested and validated multiple times since then. You can find that in our full write-up on this, which is available on curiosity-dot-com and on our free Curiosity app for Android and iOS. Just remember, like I said last week: you’ve always got a friend in Cody and me!
This Psychological Concept Explains Why You Love Being Part of a Crowd — https://curiosity.im/2u67Qxn (from Saturday) (Cody)
On the opposite end of the loneliness spectrum, there’s that great feeling of being part of a crowd. You know those euphoric moments you experienced celebrating your favorite team winning a championship, or going to a comic book convention for the first time, or marching in a political protest? Well, there’s a psychological term for that joyful intoxication you feel during a shared experience: collective effervescence. It can apply to religion, concerts, disasters, or even cults. All of these types of environments can transport people outside of themselves to create an exciting, unified feeling within the group. The term comes from a 1912 book called “The Elementary Forms of Religious Life” by a French sociologist, Émile Durkheim. And according to him, collective effervescence was an evolutionary survival tool that kept society from falling apart for ancient and medieval people. Those people had to live in rigid, highly structured societies — they mostly didn't choose what culture to identify with, what religion to follow, or even what trade to practice. Then, modern society came along. These days, you’ve got way fewer restrictions on who you can spend your time with, what you can believe in, where you can travel — that kind of thing. This means that collective effervescence is becoming more rare in today’s world, and that means that these days, we’re putting a lot more importance on those things that do inspire the feeling. In 2017, a psychologist named Shira Gabriel took this idea of collective effervescence and said it also applies to fictional characters and communities. If you’re a die-hard Game of Thrones or Harry Potter fan, when you psychologically participate in that fictional world using your imagination, you might feel similar feelings — not just between yourself and other fans, but even between yourself and the imaginary characters you’re reading about. Whether you like to lose yourself in music or in a storyline, you've probably experienced several forms of collective effervescence throughout your life. And every time you do, science says you're better for it.
[PAINT YOUR LIFE]
CODY: A great way to feel less lonely and feel like your friends or family are right there with you is with a picture. And something that’s even better than a picture is a painting. Lucky for you, we’ve got a limited time offer to help you get your hands on a custom painting from today’s sponsor, Paint Your Life.
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ASHLEY: This makes the perfect gift for birthday, anniversaries… and you’ve got plenty of time to order one for Mother’s Day! You can choose the artist whose work you admire most, and work with them throughout the process until every detail is perfect. AND, there’s no risk! If you don’t love the final painting, your money is refunded.
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ASHLEY: That’s right. Thirty percent off. And FREE shipping. To get this special offer, text the word CURIOUS to 48-48-48. That’s Curious to 48-48-48.
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These Are the Four Horsemen of Divorce — https://curiosity.im/2W5D3Ni (Ashley)
ASHLEY: A pair of researchers have pretty much cracked the code for what causes people to get a divorce.
CODY: Is it by NOT texting Curious to 48-48-48 to get 30 percent off a painting ANDfree shipping from Paint Your Life? [ad lib] Well the research I’m talking about comes from a couple scientists who know a thing or two about relationships.
ASHLEY: John Gottman and Robert Levenson have been using science and technology since 1976 to figure out how to predict marital satisfaction — and, along with that, risk of divorce. By the early 2000s, their research helped them figure out whether a couple get a divorce with an average accuracy of more than 90 percent. And the Gottman Institute took that research and boiled it down to a rule they call the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — the apocalypse, in this case, meaning divorce. So here are the four communication styles that their research says can predict the end of a marriage. First is criticism. This horseman is probably the most common one in a rocky relationships. It’s attacking the other person’s character. It’s when you say “you always make a mess, you just want to embarrass me when my friends come over!” instead of “hey, could you clean up your mess before my friends come over?” If you have a complaint, it's generally best to avoid starting sentences with "you" and instead talking about your own needs. Criticism isn’t ALWAYS a sign that the end is near, but if it happens too often, then it can lead to the next horseman: contempt. This means you’re mean and disrespectful to your partner. This includes eye rolling, mocking, and name-calling — stuff designed to make them feel small and worthless. This is the single greatest predictor of divorce. The third horseman is defensiveness. A lot of the time, this goes hand in hand with criticism. It means making excuses and reversing the blame when you hear a complaint. This only leads to a vicious cycle of more criticism and more defensiveness. The best thing to do is to admit your mistake and apologize. And the fourth and final horseman is stonewalling. This is when someone shuts their partner out completely. The Gottman Institute says that this usually happens when a partner feels physiologically flooded, when all those negative emotions are too much to deal with. If you feel like you’re about to reach this point during a fight, call a time out and tell your partner you need a 10-minute break. Go for a quick walk or splash some water on your face, head back, and fix things up. Good luck!
CODY: Read about today’s stories and more on curiosity-dot-com!
ASHLEY: Join us again tomorrow for the award-winning Curiosity Daily and learn something new in just a few minutes. I’m [NAME] and I’m [NAME]. Stay curious!